


Hollowed Runaway

by SomethingSomeone



Category: Bleach
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Blood and Violence, Fluff and Angst, Heavy Angst, M/M, Swearing
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-02-25
Updated: 2019-06-16
Packaged: 2019-11-05 13:08:02
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 3
Words: 14,078
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17919368
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SomethingSomeone/pseuds/SomethingSomeone
Summary: Sometimes life is hard. Sometimes it's too much to take in and our dark emotions overpower us. Sometimes one just wants to ignore reality, pretend it doesn't exist, and run away.Or, four times Hichigo escaped, and the one time Ichigo did.





	1. Name

**Author's Note:**

> Welcome to my second fic, which was made as a gift to someone who constantly encouraged me to write angst.  
> I'll try to keep the updates within a month, though if I'm inspired this might be finished sooner than expected.  
> Now please, enjoy!

There are over 200.000 words in the English language, but the chances of lining them up in the correct order to express "Hollow Ichigo"'s feelings were closer to zero. Well, not many descriptions included Hollow feelings, nor fantasy inner worlds, nor the sense of slavery that accompained his kind-of captivity, so it made sense if he couldn't express his mind properly.

A silent sigh left his lips as he laid down on the walls of a blueish building. There were clouds passing over his head, and he wondered if there would ever be a day when the skies would be clear. He didn't mean any kind of clear, though; he imagined the sky tainted with orange and red, a genuinely good projection of the Sun going down the far sides of the landscape, not one cloud getting into his line of vision.

He knew it was impossible. It was a nice thought, anyway.

  - What are you doing?

The cold voice snapped him out of his daydreaming, and he opened his eyes slowly, only to be met with the strong gaze of Zangetsu looming over him, his glasses once again defying gravity.

  - Stargazing, genius.

  - It is not night time. There are no stars.

  - Like I said: _genius_.

The cloaked man narrowed his eyes at the white copy of his Master, then exhaled softly while closing his eyes.

  - What are you truly doing, Hollow?

  - Watch it, I got a name, you old bastard!

Now Zangetsu showed genuine curiosity in his expression as he walked around the resting form, who never lost sight of the larger Zanpakuto spirit.

  - Are you going to use my name as yours again? It has been a while.

  - No. I'm myself, you idiot. I made a name that suits me. Not your... "Morning Moon"... thing.

  - And which name is it that suits you?

In all honesty, the Hollow hadn't been expecting the other man's genuine interest when he had imagined this conversation in the past. He did want to tell him the name he had chosen for himself, but... he didn't know if it would be accepted or not. He didn't know if it was a good idea to let others know yet.

What if Zangetsu refused to call him by his new title and keep addressing him as "Hollow"? What if his opinion was completely ignored? He hated to admit that he had a fear, but he actually did. And his nightmare could become real right in that instant.

  - It's... uh...

Well, he knew the old man was the closest thing he had to a friend. If he was going to tell someone of his new choice, Zangetsu should be the first.

And so he put his trust on him.

  - I called myself Shirosaki Hichigo. Cool, huh?

Shirosaki made his voice sound hard and confident, hiding the fact that he was desperate for some approval. He stared right at Zangetsu's form, invisible wind blowing his black "coat" dramatically.

The old man merely nodded.

  - You should let Ichigo know.

Oh. No way.

  - No way.- he hadn't intended to say that out loud, but once it was out, he couldn't care less about taking his words back.

  - Why not?

He gulped silently.

  - You didn't even like it. That bastard is gonna hate it.

  - I never said I didn't like it.

Silence returned after that last exchange, and when Hichigo stood up, he noticed the Zanpakuto's absence. Now he was alone.

He usually liked to be alone. It was his chance to do whatever he damn pleased, like a child left by themselves at home that can watch as much TV as they wish to until their parents return. But this time, loneliness hit him in an unpleasant way, and he wanted the old man to come back.

He wanted the old man to tell him if his name was good or not.

"You should let Ichigo know."

Was that approval or disapproval? Did he agree or did he disagree? Was his name decent or was he just screwing around?!

Months! It took him months to come up with something that represented him. "Hollow" meant _monster_  for Ichigo. It meant a threat. It meant violence, selfishness, hunger; it meant a soul without heart. It meant lack of identity, and like hell he lacked that! He wasn't going to let them call him Hollow anymore!

He was Shirosaki Hichigo now. "White cape", "Sun Defender". He was still a part of Ichigo, so he felt kind of guilty to leave out the "Kurosaki". He changed the color, and that was it. It suited his skin tone, after all. But his first name? Hichigo was the most badass thing he had come up with, and he loved it. "Sun Defender", a title that kind-of imitated Zangetsu's Master, but sounded way better. "The one who protects" was a thing, yeah, but "Who protects the Sun"? What could possibly surpass that?

  - It's good, isn't it...?- he questioned out loud, his voice wavering with sadness. -Oi, Zangetsu, it's good, isn't it?!

The spirit didn't return to answer him.

Hichigo's blood began to boil, his frown deepened in anger and frustration. His name meant his effort to become more _human_. Bubbles of hot steam began to flow out of his body, as the water around him began to increase in temperature.

He was so angry with Zangetsu that the mere though of being in the same world as him was giving him a panic attack.

  - I HATE YOU!

▪▪▪▪▪▪▪▪

One couldn't say that Ichigo loved Math, but he didn't hate it either. He wasn't an obsessed prodigy student like Uryuu, nor a lazy one like Keigo. As a result of this lack of alignment, reading the numbers written on the blackboard and listening to the teacher explain the result of the complicated ecuation gave him a mix of boredom and annoyance that made Ichigo want to hear the beeping sound of his Soul Pass instead of staying put on his seat.

That wasn't happening anytime soon, however. His daily quota of Hollow Fighting had already been fulfilled, and it wouldn't be until past the afternoon when more of them would dare to appear. Ergo, he still had to resist his urge to unsheath his sword for around... 5 hours, at least.

As the teacher cleaned the blackboard and began to recite another problem, which Ichigo diligently wrote down, a tingle at the back of his head began to give him a slight sensation of uneasyness. "You have 10 minutes to find X", he managed to process, before his ears were filled with a high pitched sound and his vision went blurry, blocking his two most reliable senses.

He brought a hand to his temple and grunted in discomfort. Hearing this, Chad turned around from his seat and stared at his friend with worry. He patted his shoulder in an attempt to get his attention, considering that Ichigo didn't seem to notice his questioning thumbs up.

  - Ichigo.- his deep and strong voice also got Uryuu's eyes to focus on the pair, him being a few seats further away from them. He sighed in resignation. Was it too much to ask for one Math class without a medical casualty?

None of that mattered for the orange-haired student, though. He hadn't even noticed his two friends' pressing stare.

He was feeling worse every second, until a pang of pain coming from his heart made him bolt out of the classroom, accidentally crashing with another classmate's desk in his rush and getting everyone's eyes settled on him, or at least, on the door from which he exited the room.

He had heard about symptoms like these from his father. After years of fighting murderous spirits, after surviving battles against Captains and Lieutenants, he was going to die of a god forsaken _heart attack_?! He wasn't going to die in the midst of the battlefield, nor striken down by an enemy, nor defending his friends and family, but from a malfunction from within his own body?!

The nurse's office was close, so close, that his little flame of hope of _not_  dying became his demise. Adrenaline cut short when he found himself in front of the door, and he collapsed right there, losing his chance of knocking or calling for help. His panic wasn't enough to give him the last ounce of strenght he needed.

Strong arms surrounded him, bringing warmth to his body, and then intense lights filtered through his eyelids.

A deep voice called for Ichigo's name several times, only to be joined by a more anxious one when he tried to grunt in acknowledgment. A third unrecognizable voice spoke about his "current status", and the deep voice began to recite his dad's phone number.

Oh, only Chad knew about that. So he actually got some help.

The Substitute Shinigami faded in and out of unconsciousness, several sensations and feelings coursing through his unresponsive body. He didn't know how long it had been since his initial outburst, but the strong sunlight that invaded his eyes once he managed to open them willingly told him that it was still daytime. He was laying on a white bed and staring at a yellowish ceiling. He only knew one place with medical equipment like this that wasn't as sickly white as a hospital.

  - Old man...?

His voice came out barely as a whisper, but Isshin rushed through the door only a second later. Ichigo had never seen him so worried before. He really must've been close to joining Soul Society for good this time.

  - Ichigo, how're you feeling?

The young man clicked his tongue a few times before answering.

  - Not dead.

His father frowned at the answer and quickly snatched a thermometer from the closest desk, and Ichigo knew he was in no position to protest. He obediently let his dad place the gadget under his armpit as he sat up on the bed.

  - How "not dead"?- Isshin questioned his son with a seriousness that was rarely seen. The orange-haired Shinigami only remembered that stern expression from his training to achieve his Final Getsuga Tenshou.

  - ...Closer to dead... I...

  - The nurse said you'd collapsed outside the infirmary, and both Chad and Uryuu helped you to get in. Did you suffocate? What happened?

  - Wha- you're a medic, you should know!

  - Ichigo, I did the tests. I didn't find anything. _What happened?_

The Substitute Shinigami went pale, bewilderment on his features. His dad had to be spouting nonsense again.

  - Dad, I had a heart attack.

Now it was the old man's turn to lose all color from his skin. He walked towards the other side of the room and snatched several papers that were on his main desk. He read them over and over again, suddenly grabbing his lower lip with his hand and stroking it nervously.

  - Your heart is fine... your blood pressure too... there's no reason for you to... why... how...? A heart attack? Are you serious?

Ichigo was about to answer when the tingling sensation came back. His eyes went wide open as he grabbed his nape with both hands, his father quickly arriving at his side and trying to figure out what was wrong. He began to ask questions that his son couldn't answer, his focus placed solely on what was coming next.

A ringing sound invaded his ears.

His vision became increasingly blurry.

He knew what was about to happen. He clenched his teeth with fear, and he could hear his dad starting to freak out. Before the pang of pain assaulted his heart again, he managed to shout one clear order at his father.

  - GET MY SOUL PASS!

The despair-filled tone that his son used was enough to fuel Isshin with the energy to run and get Ichigo's request done just in time. He pressed the small badge on his son's chest, his own heart beating wildly with worry at hearing him whimper in pain, and Ichigo's Shinigami form emerged from the body.

The empty human shell fell back on the bed with a soft thud. The black-haired man panted heavily, confusion overtaking his thoughts. Ichigo had fallen on the ground, somehow, and he wasn't moving. Both body and soul were as still as a corpse, and the former Captain feared the worst.

  - Son...!

Orange hair swayed suddenly as Ichigo stood up abruptly. Isshin only managed to see a glimpse of yellow from his eyes before his beloved child was out of reach.

He had Flash Stepped away.

▪▪▪▪▪▪▪▪

Regaining consciousness for the third time that day was not a pleasant sensation. Grabbing he side of his head with his hand, Ichigo carefully sat up from the cold stone ground where he laid. He groaned, tiredly, and opened his eyes just to meet with the best view of a clouded nightsky at Karakura Town, the rainbow colored lights from the buildings illuminating the city and forming fantasy-like shapes on the gray blanket that blocked the stars from sight.

His eyes shone with the beautiful reflection and, as he gazed at it, he failed to hear the footsteps that approached him from behind.

Ichigo collected his remaining strenght in his legs and managed to stand up after a while. The wind blew his short hair gently, and he wondered how he got to that place. Wanting to find answers, he turned around and found himself face to face with the last _thing_  he expected to see.

His Hollow was there. Standing right in front of him. Outside of his Inner World.

If not for the fact that he had passed out too many times for one day, Ichigo would've done it again. He reacted with surprise and anger instead, his two remaining defense mechanisms acting up.

  - YOU!- he spat -What are you doing here?! How did you get out of my soul?!

His Hollow side ignored the now unsheathed sword that pointed at his throat and all the questions that Ichigo had just made. Calmly, but with noticeably tense movements, he put the gigantic sword away with his hand as he walked past the surprised Shinigami towards the edge of the skyscraper they were standing on. He sat down with his feet hanging from the border, his expression lost.

For some reason, Ichigo noted, his eyes seemed... different. There was no killing intent. There was no burning defiance. There was only tiredness.

  - Never thought my first time out would be like this bullshit.

His sudden words got his counterpart's attention, and he sheathed Zangetsu while never taking his eyes off the Hollow.

  - What's... what's the meaning of this?

  - I fought with the Old man.

That was new.

  - You did?- the Hollow turned his head around and glared at Ichigo with a disappointed expression, as if judging him for his stupid comment.

  - No, genius. I felt like buying a bee and decided to come out to do so.

Now it was Ichigo's turn to glare and judge the sarcasm on the other's tone.

  - What _was_  the fight about, then?

  - You don't really want to know. You're asking out of sympathy.

  - I do want to know! Didn't you feel what your mess caused to my body?- (He wasn't sure they were responsible for that, but it was his best assumption.) -I need to know so that I can prevent it from happening to me again!

  - See? You don't care about _me_.

The Substitute Shinigami stopped his mouth from answering after that. His Hollow wasn't wrong. His demands were actually meant to help himself, not the being in front of him... why would he want help, though?

Not knowing what to say next, Ichigo just clicked his tongue against his dry mouth and shifted his weight from side to side, awkwardly.

His Hollow spared him a short glance before grunting.

  - What the hell are you doing?

  - I'm... ah... avoiding the question?

  - What question, dumbass?

  - Well, huh, the question I want to make. To you. But I see you don't want to talk about it so I'm giving you space. That's what I'd want, at least, so I hoped you...

The white counterpart growled under his breath and went back to appreciating the city.

  - You suck with words. Even when you stole them from your tiny friend.

Ichigo frowned at the mention of Rukia in such a way, but he couldn't bring himself to argue back. He wasn't angry. He was worried.

His Hollow had never acted like this before. Ichigo never thought that "not avoiding a sword coming at him from his white copy" would bring him such feelings. He thought he would be relieved. But he was far from it.

  - Hey, Hollow-?

  - DON'T YOU FUCKING CALL ME THAT!

Black and red Spiritual Pressure exploded around the edge of the building, swirling crazily and making the atmosphere turn into something unbreathable, forcing Ichigo to cover himself with his hands in surprise.

  - Ok! Sorry! I got it!- he screamed, hiding his shock with a hard tone on his voice. -You fought because of this! I got it! Now stop that before someone notices your presence!

  - They won't, you idiot! Time's frozen right now!- the angered man snarled back, increasing the pressure tenfold and getting close to forming a small tornado.

  - Why is- What the hell is wrong with you?! Stop! Come on!- Ichigo was too confused to react properly, and he was at a loss of both words and actions. He couldn't move, his muscles strained from the Hollow Reiatsu that surrounded him and from his general weakness during the whole day.

He didn't want to admit he was afraid. But he was.

  - I'm angry, Ichigo. I'm so fucking angry I don't want to do anything. So will you leave me THE FUCK ALONE?!

  - Why are you angry?!

  - Because Zangetsu is a bastard! I hate him! And I hate you too!

  - What did he do to make you so angry?!

Both males were yelling at each other with a violent tone, the white version of Ichigo staring straight forward, not sparing another glance behind him, where the orange-haired Shinigami stood with his legs almost buckling from the flaring storm of black and red Spiritual Pressure that had engulfed them.

  - Why do you care?! Go away!- the Hollow pressed his eyes shut, the painful memory of Zangetsu ignoring him when he tried to show his true self coming back into view at the front of his mind. He refused to show his frustrated tears to his counterpart.

  - Come on, damnit! I care! Just let me know what's happening to you!

  - Shut up and go away, I know you got no interest in a monster like me!

Ichigo blinked. He noticed that choice of words.

  - I care because you're still a part of me! You're not a monster!

The crazed storm slowed down slightly, just enough for the Substitute to sense the change. He was getting through his Hollow's hard head.

  - Tone it down, please! We can talk if you want to! I will listen to you if you want me to! But you _have_  to calm down first!

Black and red mixed and faded slowly but steadily into the shadows, the atmosphere going back to its original pressure and allowing Ichigo to release a long breath of relief. He straightened his legs and cracked his neck, the feeling of freedom over his body returning in a pleasant way.

  - You sure get dense when you want to, huh...- he questioned, his voice wavering with exhaustion.

The white version of himself didn't even budge with the joke. He just lowered his head and left it almost hanging from his neck, a position of defeat that reflected the void of his eyes perfectly.

Ichigo scratched his head and exhaled loudly. This was going to be harder than what he initially thought.

Casually but with determination, he walked over to the other young man and sat down near him, a meter of distance separating them.

  - So... do you wanna talk?

  - Only if you promise to listen.

It was a weird condition for a conversation, at least from Ichigo's point of view. Was this the reason why he had fought with Zangetsu? Had the Old man "not listened" to his Hollow side?

Nonetheless, he wanted to help. If that was his Hollow's wish, he would agree to it. Even if it was only this once.

  - Alright. I'll listen. I promise.

Amber eyes revealed themselves, and Ichigo was surprised to see the black sclera being interrupted with hard veins of blue, a thing he had never noticed before, not even when their eyes had previously met during their close fighting encounters.

"Could it be...?"

  - I'll start from the beginning, and don't interrupt me.

Ichigo nodded.

  - When we first met I told you I had no name. Remember that? Then I told you I was Zangetsu. And _then_  I told you I was the... Hollow... that had saved you from death. Several times.

Again, the young man moved his head in acknowledgment when yellow eyes spared him a glance to make sure he was still paying attention.

  - Now, after a while, I realized that our first encounter was actually the only one that counted. I did have no name. I was no one. And noticing that I was just a shadow of your dark side without a real identity was... hard.- He sighed before continuing, gulping down nervously. -So I tried to discover myself by, well, naming myself. Does that make any sense? Like, at all?

Ichigo stared at him for a second, then shifted his eyes towards his feet, moving them anxiously.

  - It kind of does, actually. You said you were no one. Now you tried to become someone, right?

  - Yeah, that explains it better. The thing is, after all these months, I... made a name.

A long pause followed, the Hollow moving on to fidget with his nails while biting his lower lip. He looked at Ichigo, and was surprised to see that he was staring at him almost expectantly.

  - You did?

He nodded. Ichigo's frown softened, but he remained silent.

This was it. It was now or never.

  - I'm Hichigo Shirosaki.

Hichigo turned his head and locked eyes with Ichigo. He waited for a reaction. He knew the other man couldn't run away like Zangetsu, but since his last experience with the reveal, he was frightened of losing sight of his counterpart after he spilled the beans.

  - Shirosaki as in "White cape", right? And... Hichigo, as in...?

"What?"

  - Are you an idiot? It's your name, but cooler. "Sun defender".

The Shinigami seemed to get lost in his thoughts for a second, and then almost pierced Hichigo with his gaze once he came back.

  - I'm Ichigo. Ichi, Go. "One" who "defends". Sun defender would be Higo. Like, "Sun" and "defend". There's... no Chi involved.

Oh.

Shirosaki's eyes went wide with shock, and he couldn't even process the information quick enough to answer.

So much for a name. A _wrong_  name.

  - Fucking DAMNIT!

Ichigo almost jumped at the outburst.

  - Is that why Zangetsu told me to tell you?! Was that bastard aware of that shit?! How stupid do I have to be for that!?

  - As stupid as me, actually.

Shiro's infuriated rant cut short after Ichigo spoke up. He sported his most common, plain expression, as if the mistake meant nothing at all.

  - The fuck did you say?

  - Hey, I suck at Kanjis too. Don't be so surprised. There are times when I don't know how to read simple stuff, and someone usually mocks me for that. It's only natural you got that trait too.

  - Then how did you notice the mistake, if you're oh-so-fucking-bad at it?

  - Well, it's my name. I know what characters make it.

Another lapsus of silence fell between them, the hard truth of Shirosaki's name cutting the conversation to an apparent end.

  - ...Guess that's it, huh.

The Shinigami blinked in confusion.

  - I'll go back inside of you. There's no sense for me to stay here. You can keep calling me Hollow, Ichigo.

  - Hey, don't you wanna fix your name? I'm not a professional, but I can help anyway. I got a cool sounding thing for you right now.

Sadness and frustration turned into shock, then into disbelief, and finally into hope.

  - You're... not shitting me, right?

  - Uh, no, I'm not.

"Hichigo" closed the distance between him and his counterpart instantly, his wish to become someone fueling both his excitement and his anxiety.

  - What's my name?

  - Well, here goes nothing, but I think you can make Hichigo happen if you add a character in the middle. Hi, as in Sun. Chi, as in path. Lastly, Go, as in defender.

Shirosaki built the name in his mind and tested how good that sounded.

  - So you mean... "Sun road defender"?

  - I imagined it more like "protector of the road to the Sun", but yeah, that works too. Maybe "chi" is too complicated? I think you use that pronunciation only if you squint...

  - It's good.

A sense of relief invaded the white man as his dream came back to life from nothingness. He hadn't thought of the conversation taking this route before. Now he couldn't ask for anything better.

  - You like that one?

  - Yeah. Call me Hichigo. Hichigo Shirosaki.

The last thing Ichigo saw was a tender smile and a flash of black and red, before his world turned back to white.

▪▪▪▪▪▪▪▪

When he opened his eyes, he was laying at the top of the same skyscraper, sounds from cars and people of Karakura town filling the air this time around. The silence had been kind of unnerving before; maybe Hichigo wasn't lying when he said that time had been frozen.

He looked up at the clear skies and spotted a half moon shining brightly alongside the stars. Where were the clouds from before...? Were they gone? So fast?

"Not like it matters, anyway" he thought, briefly. There was something inside of him that made him feel satisfied and... joyful. He felt as if here was nothing that could possibly ruin his mood for that night.

He smiled before Flash Stepping towards his house. He still had a lot to explain, but he didn't care.

The monster inside of him had become a human. That was the only important thing.

They were happy.


	2. Time

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Outside and inside, two worlds unravel. One is controlled, the other is not. And like hell Hichigo will let his world crumble to useless dust. Someone needs to be taught a lesson.

   

Bubbles of air floated up until they met with the end of the sea that was Ichigo's Inner world. Down below, almost at the bottom of said ocean, laid the origin of those bubbles, calmly snoring without a care for the rest of the world.

Hichigo was curled up in a ball, his body being moved gently by an invisible current of water. His expression reflected the nice dream he was having; maybe he was living his perfect fight in his mind, or winning against his counterpart and taking control of his body, running havoc among the city afterwards. Whatever it was, it seemed good enough to keep him from noticing the movement around him and waking him up.

His luck was cursed, however, as an explosion of smoke coming from within his body brought him out of Dream land and straight into his fighting position. He snapped his eyes open and materialized his own white Zangetsu into his hands as he desperately looked around him for the imminent threat.

  - What gives?! What the fuck gives?!

  - Shirosaki, calm down.

The cold voice behind him took Hichigo by surprise, and he spun around instantly trying to cut down to pieces whatever had infiltrated his world. His white sword clashed with its black twin, firmly held by the slim, young body of Tensa Zangetsu, and both of them took several steps backwards by reflex.

  - Tensa? What the fuck are you doing?

  - You attacked first.

Hichigo was about to retort when he noticed the disappearance of his favorite pair of pyjamas, blue dots now replaced with his white Bankai coat. Things began to make sense to him slowly, now considering the smoke of his transformation, his slim sword, the young man standing opposite to him, and his change of costume.

  - Ichigo's fighting, ain't he?

  - He has gone into Bankai mode. It must be something big.

Releasing a long breath, Shirosaki finally slowed his thoughts down and dissipated his sword into nothingness.

  - Man, what a way to wake up.- he fumed, bringing a hand to his hair and scratching softly. He rubbed his eyes next, and finished up with a long yawn that didn't go unnoticed by the pale man that walked closer to him, his own black sword turning to bubbles.

  - You seem tired. Have you been sleeping properly?

Hichigo shrugged at the question.

  - Got no fucking idea. I'm falling asleep wherever and whenever I damn please now.

  - Hm...

Tensa lowered his head and frowned, deep in thought. The white version of Ichigo began to descend towards the top of the closest building, landing roughly on it and sitting down with his legs crossed.

  - What're you thinking, little man?- he mocked out loud, a grin making its way to his mouth.

Zangetsu didn't react to Hichigo's teasing, but he did answer his question.

  - Have you noticed the sky lately, Shirosaki?

Hichigo quirked an eyebrow while shaking his head.

  - The Sun has been out for too long.

The Hollow side raised both eyebrows now and looked up, dumbly confirming that the Sun was, indeed, still high and proud above their heads. It was also at its middle point, which meant that Ichigo was awake and running with no chance of resting any time soon.

Although that didn't mean Hichigo connected the two dots.

  - Well, it ain't a first, Tensa.- he countered. -This has happened before, ya' know? Finals week? I remember it. It was bad. Don't get too worked up because of that.

  - Are you that stupid?

Shirosaki growled a low "excuse me?" as he heard the statement.

  - Ichigo has not slept for several days. And he is supposed to be on winter break.

  - Well, what if King decided to go out and have fun these days? Doesn't exactly worry me.

  - With freezing temperatures at night? And for approximately 3 days in a row? Hichigo, I believe you are not seeing the problem clearly.

  - Ah, maybe I ain't. Just let King be.

His instincts alerted him in the nick of time of the swinging blade that came at him from above. Blocking it with his hands and kicking upwards, he managed to ward off an angered Tensa Zangetsu.

  - Hey! What's the fucking deal?!- Shirosaki screeched, materializing his katana and getting ready for another impact, his hand unconsciously going up to the side of his face and preparing to summon his mask.

The younger Zanpakuto spirit didn't waste any chances and rushed towards him a second time, now using a different tactic and sprinting from side to side with several Flash Steps. Alarmed, Hichigo brought down his black hollow mask and concentrated on his opponent, hands firmly gripping the hilt of his sword as he awaited for the right moment to strike and stop the other man's frenzy of speed.

However, his reflexes betrayed him, exhaustion being a major component in this, and Tensa managed to land a hit on Shirosaki's torso, cutting it deeply and replacing the pristine water around them with dense blood.

The white-haired man cursed under his breath and swung around, ready to counterattack, but found himself lost in the middle of an explosion of bubbles, coming both from him and from Tensa Zangetsu. Once they were cleared, he noticed his precious pyjamas coming back to him and the Old Man standing where Tensa was. He looked just as confused as him, and releasing a long, tired breath, Hichigo collapsed on the closest building, his mask disintegrating as he fell.

Somehow gently, Zangetsu descended to his side and spoke to him in a fatherly voice.

  - Do you see my point now, Hichigo Shirosaki?

He growled.

  - That bastard ain't taking care of himself and it shows on freaking _me_! How am I supposed to feel good if I don't have the energy to fight?! I didn't- I'm NOT playing nanny on him! That's your part, Old Man!

  - He seems to be ignoring me intently. I have tried to talk to him, but he has refused to hear my voice. To him, it is "not a good time" yet.

  - It's never a "good-freaking-time" for that idiot.

Both males sighed tiredly, though Shirosaki's seemed angrier than the Old Man. Why was this happening to them? What in the world was Ichigo doing to get his white counterpart in such a state?

Checking him closely, Zangetsu began to recognize different signs of tiredness in the Hollow's body, and he wondered how could he pass them up in the past. There were dark bags under his eyes, and he hadn't stopped rubbing them every once in a while, as if to keep them open. His hair was getting messier every day, which shouldn't exactly be a surprise... except for the fact that, if Ichigo was fine outside, it would directly reflect on Shiro inside.

Walking closer and putting a hand on Shiro's night hat, the Old Man spoke again worriedly.

  - Shirosaki, do you need me to tell Ichigo...?

The answer came instantly to his mind, Hichigo standing up and growling under his breath. He looked over Zangetsu with somewhat lost eyes, then straight ahead as he, one more time, rubbed them with the palm of his right hand.

  - No. I'll go yell at him myself.

▪▪▪▪▪▪▪▪

Cold air brushed Ichigo's sweaty hair out of his face, half-clearing his vision. It was enough for him, however, because it gave him the range of sight that he needed to lunge at another Hollow and slice it down skillfully with his sword. He landed rather ungracefully on the hard ground, a small cloud of dust rising at his presence. He panted slightly before recomposing himself and standing proudly upright again.

His stance wavered for a second, and he quickly slapped himself in the cheek. No time to be slacking off.

The low rumble under his feet alerted him of an imminent danger, and he spun around instantly with Zangetsu ready to pierce whatever was planning to attack him from behind. He wasn't expecting the loud, screeching sound of swords clashing, alongside the startled gasp of a well-known friend of his.

  - Whoa! Whoa! Tone it down, you idiot!

It took Ichigo a second to make sure the red hair, the weird glasses and the hard voice belonged to Renji. In fact, he had just tried to cut off Renji's head.

That didn't exactly matter. His yelling was giving him a migraine.

  - Get over it... 's not... first time I do that...- noticing his weak voice, Ichigo once again slapped himself and straightened his back, repressing the urge of a yawn with what was left of his willpower.

This obviously didn't go unnoticed by the other Shinigami.

  - Wow, dude, you look terrible. And you know my standards are _very_  low. What are you, a zombie?

Ichigo shrugged.

  - Have... see... worse. Don' worry.

Renji stiffened at the words and at the evident lack of energy in them. His friend hadn't even reacted to his teasing, making his worry bubble up.

  - Holy hell, even your mind is messed up. What's wrong, Ichigo? Are you ok?

When Rukia had told him that Ichigo needed serious help, he'd been expecting a huge horde of Hollows that the Substitute, for once, couldn't handle. He had prepared for some bickering, and even thought of some witty remarks to make during the fight, intending to enrage Ichigo even more and end up in a contest of who could kill more Hollows.

This was entirely different. His friend was doing fine on his own, but that was only on the fighting sense. His eyes were raccoon-like, noticeable black surrounding them, his eyelids being half-way between opened and closed. His lips seemed dry, his hair was damped with sweat, and his whole body trembled every once in a while.

  - ...Dude, no kidding, you really look terrible. What in the world have you been doing?

Ichigo didn't respond at first, his thoughts drifting somewhere else. Worriedly, Renji snapped his fingers in front of his friend's eyes. He suddenly seemed to come back to reality.

  - Sorry, whawazzat?

  - ...Oh dear.

  - Dear wha'?

The red-head sheathed his Zabimaru, the two spirits inside laughing at the exchange between his Master and his friend. He sighed and raised three fingers in front of Ichigo's face. The Substitute stared blankly at them, then scratched his ear.

  - How many fingers am I holding up?

Orange hair swayed as he tilted his head. Ichigo squinted both eyes, and then used his own hand to count Renji's fingers.

  - That doesn't work. Don't do that. Tell me what you see.

  - ...I woulda said six, but ya' don' hav' six fingers...

  - Holy frick. That's it. I'm taking you to Urahara's.

Renji moved forward and tried to grab Ichigo's hand, fully intending to get Kisuke to check him from head to toe inmediately. He knew his house would be a better option, but he couldn't be sure if mister Isshin was going to be able to treat his friend properly.

His surprise was evident when the Substitute moved his hand away.

  - No yer' not, still gotta keep goin'.- Ichigo stated firmly. His frown had deepened considerably after he realized Renji's intentions.

  - Yes, I am; come on. You can't possibly be more sick. You need treatment.

  - I don'. Gotta keep goin' 'till body says "no".

  - The heck is that supposed to mean? Are you crazy?

Ichigo shook his head.

  - Kisuke said "test yer' limits". Tha's wha'I'm doin'.

"He's getting worse." The Shinigami gulped nervously. The conversation was leading nowhere. He needed to help his friend, and fast.

  - Listen, I don't think he meant it like this. What kind of limit are you trying to test? Whatever it is, that's enough.

  - 'm tryin' to see how... how lon' can go... no sleep.

  - How many days?

  - ...three? Four. Maybe.

Renji's mouth fell, unbelieving the nonsense Ichigo was spouting. He knew he was an idiot, but this was beyond his craziest imaginations.

  - You're coming with me. _Now_.

Rather violently, the Lieutenant tried to grab Ichigo's arm and drag him towards Urahara's shop, patience and worry mixing up into exasperation.

But that was a wrong move. It was the drop that filled the glass.

  - 'M FINE!!

Snapping his arm back, Ichigo released himself from Renji's grip, and wasted no time in countering his action with a punch straight at the other man's face. Dumbfounded, the Shinigami gave Ichigo the chance to run away, seemingly alerted by the roar of a new Hollow not far from their street. Cursing under his breath, Renji finally understood that he would never be able to help Ichigo if he didn't use brute force against him. Unsheathing Zabimaru, and also earning confused vibes from them, he dashed as quickly as he could, following the trail of the orange-haired man's Spiritual Pressure.

Rounding the corner of a busy main street, he found Ichigo with his oversized sword ready to pierce down a Raven-like Hollow, charging up his royal blue Getsuga Tenshou. Noticing the incoming, devastating attack, and how there were actual people walking down that path, Renji quickly screamed his Zanpakuto's name and extended its size, just enough to defeat the Hollow and interrumpt Ichigo's swing downwards. However, this backfired spectacularly as the immense wave of Spiritual Pressure was released towards its owner, forcing the Substitute several streets back and burning some of his clothes to mere ashes.

He roughly crashed against an abandoned building, having been sent to Karakura's periphery without much effort. He rose to his feet, grunting in discomfort, and his gaze pierced through the form of his incoming friend, who seemed to be rushing to the place. How dare he? How dare he do such a thing?!

  - Ichigo! Are you ok?!

  - ...You son of a-!

Blind rage taking over, and ignoring the pain emanating from his protesting body, Ichigo stood up slowly but determinedly, dust and rubble rising with him. Renji arrived to his side, and was about to help him up when a burst of Spiritual Pressure now forced him back.

  - You did it now, Renji! BANKAI!

  - H-ho-hey! HOLD IT!

Smoke exploded from the Substitute, and the slim black blade of Tensa Zangetsu emerged from it at high speed, pointed at the red-head's torso. Quickly, he moved out of the way and raised Zabimaru in front of him, attempting to strenghten his defenses. Another strike came almost inmediately, clashing loudly and making sparks fly from both swords.

Clad in his Bankai coat, and growling strangely, Ichigo once again lunged forward and released a row of slashes at his friend. Most of them were blocked by the other man's Zanpakuto; however, two managed to make it past his expert defenses and cut his chest and left arm deeply. Grunting, Renji used several Flash Steps to move away from Ichigo, escaping the next row of attacks just in time.

Even so, and thanks to his exhaustion, Ichigo roared and let loose a black and red Getsuga Tenshou at the empty spot where Renji had been.

Enough pieces settled in, and the Lieutenant knew what he had to do.

  - Stay here, Ichigo! I just want to help you! I'll bring Urahara here as soon as I can!- he yelled, expecting his friend to understand his intentions and stop trying to cut him down to pieces. Without warning, he flash-stepped away, hurrying as if life depended on it towards Kisuke's shop.

Ichigo turned around sharply, not processing the words he had heard, and found himself alone at the outskirts of Karakura, seemingly abandoned by his own friend.

Sighing angrily, he released his Bankai and collapsed on the destroyed ground soon afterwards. Slowly, he began to comprehend the reasons behind Renji's leaving. Maybe he had overreacted... yeah, trying to kill him wasn't exactly a friendly gesture. Had he broken their friendship?

  - ...probs...- he muttered out loud, to no one in particular.

A Hollow roar, perhaps at the exact opposite side of the city from where he laid, alerted him of more work. Tiredly, he stood up, slapped himself in the cheek one more time, and got ready to Flash Step and dive into battle again.

His body trembled for a second, and a loud, high pitched ring invaded his ears. He looked up, confused as to why his mind was playing tricks on him now of all times, and was surprised to see the stars and the Moon swirling around without control. Now there were two Moons, great...

  - ...wait.

A pang of pain. His heart beating in his ears. His vision blurring and fading to black.

  - ...oh, no, no...

And he knew no more.

▪▪▪▪▪▪▪▪

Eyes snapped open, alongside a sharp intake of air. Ichigo sat up suddenly, but regretted the action almost instantly as he felt his head swirl in discomfort, dizyness settling in. He rubbed his temples roughly, trying to get rid of his migraine as soon as possible.

  - Crap, got... knock'd out... Urahara's gon' be...

  - For the love of Motherfucking God, King!

The Substitute turned his head in alarm, recognizing that voice full well from just a few weeks ago. Peace wasn't going to last long, after all.

  - So it was... yer' fault...

  - Fault of what, you dumbass?! Whose idea was it to freaking go days and nights without sleeping, huh?! Don't you see what the fuck that did to me?!

  - Ngh... no... shout...

  - What was that?!

  - No... shout... don't shout, you idiot...

Opening his eyes again, this time at a slower pace, the Substitute Soul Reaper finally focused long enough to recognize the silhouette of his white counterpart. For some reason, a small, minimal sense of relief invaded him. It didn't last long, but it was there.

  - Shirosaki...

Silence. Arms crossed over his chest, and his expression stern, the white Hollow side stared angrily at Ichigo, who was sitting defenceless on the cold stone ground, his sword sheathed firmly on his back. There was only one thing keeping Ichigo from jumping to his feet and running away after feeling the killing intent Hichigo emanated.

  - ...the hell're ya' wearin'?- he snorted, out of nowhere.

Shirosaki raised his eyebrows in confusion, then reality settled in.

He hadn't changed his mental image of himself when coming out. His blue dotted pyjamas came with him to the real world, and his little hat was about to get blown away by the strong wind. Good thing he noticed in time.

  - Well, yeah, I was supposed to be sleeping! What's the big fucking deal?! You should be in your nightwear too, in your FUCKING BED!- he replied, not in the least embarrassed about his predicament. He was too angry to care.

...and Ichigo was too exhausted to notice the anger.

  - Tha' looks- Shi, tha' looks real good on ya'!- the orange-haired male broke into a laughing fit, his mind far gone already. -Oh! Oh! Ya' shoul' wear tha' more often! Tha' way ya' won't- -he snorted before finishing. -Ya' won't scare the shit outta me anymo'e!!

  - Holy shit, you're fucking beyond salvation, you dumbass!- screeched Shirosaki in response, his patience finally running out. His disaster of a "Master" was becoming something he _refused_  to deal with.

The human didn't seem to process his words and instead continued his laughing fit without a care for him. Shirosaki grunted angrily. He silently questioned if he could force Ichigo to fall unconscious through his Inner world, but that would strain both of them to beyond the point of exhaustion. The Old Man could help, but it was a risky plan anyways. On the other hand, he _could_  hit him hard enough in the head and use pain as a good resource to sue his slumber. He had a half-physical form now, after all. Punching him was a real option. He knew he liked that option.

Smirking, he walked closer to the Shinigami, who was absent-mindedly looking up at the sky, his eyes glassy and lost. Shirosaki tightened his hand into a fist, narrowing his eyes for a second, knowing he was going to enjoy this so much... so much...?

_Did he want to hurt him in this state, though?_

  - Hey, Shi... do ya' think I can... become stronge' by... surpassin' these limits...?

The Hollow stopped dead on his tracks.

  - The what now?

  - Wha' if I... train and no need to... sleep anymo'e?

  - You want to... get rid of your sleep? Is that it?- as he spoke, Hichigo uncurled his fist slowly, his interest falling on his counterpart's words.

  - Ye'... if I do... will I be stronge'?

Shirosaki gave a low and short snort before answering.

  - As much as I'd like ya' to become stronger, so that all that power becomes mine one day, I think your Godforsaken body has limits like these for a reason. I can feel them, too. This ain't funny anymore, King. You're hurting both of us with this shit.

  - Fun? Who said it... would be... fun?

  - Huh?

  - I'm... in pain too, ya' kno'...

Suddenly, Ichigo's eyes rolled backwards, and so did the rest of his body. Alarmed, Shirosaki hurriedly rushed to catch the other man's head before it hit the ground full force.

  - Oe! What the fuck?! King?!

No answer. The Shinigami had a streak of saliva running down the corner of his mouth, his eyes wide open and completely white.

  - King?! KING!

This had to be wrong. No, this _was_  wrong.

Goodbye to the punching plan. Ichigo had fallen as a victim of his own exhaustion, and Shiro could feel the effects it was having on his own body. He felt heavy, tired, and on the edge of passing out himself. There was nausea invading his stomach and his mouth felt dry. His head was strangely clear, but the rest of his being didn't want to cooperate. For a moment, he questioned going back inside Ichigo's Soul and wait for Renji to come back and take care of him. Shirosaki just wanted a rest.

But he couldn't leave King like this. For some reason, he couldn't. And that simple thought kept him from going home.

He took a few moments to evaluate his options. Time wasn't advancing, or at least that's what he thought (he knew he had used the same trick the Old Man did to communicate with Ichigo in critical situations), but with his "Master" in such a condition now... he needed to interfere and break the illusion by releasing his true Spiritual Pressure before things got worse.

Breaking the illusion, however... would mean to allow himself to be seen by others. There would be havoc if any of Ichigo's friends saw him with the Substitute, no doubt about it. They would know he was a Hollow. There was no way he could mask his Reiatsu from them. And, in a fight, he didn't stand a chance in his current state.

_No, he stood a chance, but not if he was protecting Ichigo._

  - ...fuck it.

There was no time to think. His King could be dying. He wasn't going to allow that. If he was fast enough, silent enough, if he for once concentrated on something that weren't his fighting instincts, then he could make it.

Shirosaki looked up at the sky, appreciating the clouded darkness that covered him for the time being. Once the small "time illusion" was gone, the grey would be gone and the shining moon would reflect on his white skin, making him an easy target. He had to be quick.

With some effort, he lifted Ichigo up and adjusted him between his arms, securing Zangetsu on his own back and relieving the weight from the Shinigami. He took a deep breath before beginning his race. He could already feel the strain on his half-physical form just by keeping his counterpart on his arms.

He counted to five. And then, his Spiritual Pressure was set free.

In what felt like a flash of white, faster than the blink of an eye, the sky was wiped clean almost completely. Stars shining, the moon quiet, high, and still. The sound of the city could be heard from afar, casual honks of cars occurring every once in a while.

Several Shinigami presences materialized in the distance, too.

Hichigo wasted no time and inmediately Sonidoed away, his bared feet straining themselves with the speed. Dashing as if there was no tomorrow, he moved from roof to roof like an unseen shadow. He passed a few Hollows on his way, but he ignored his persistent desire to attack them. They weren't a priority.

Taking a turn at Karakura's midtown, he made the mistake of getting too close to one of Ichigo's friends' house. He quickly got himself to ground level and hid in a dark passageway, the soft humming of a high-pitched voice reaching his ears.

Shirosaki held his breath and stood as still as possible as the red-head, Orihime, calmly walked past the alley, carrying several bags with food in them. She began talking to herself, probably checking if she forgot to buy anything. The Hollow couldn't care less, he wanted her gone.

(...Maybe Ichigo didn't exactly share his mindset.)

When Orihime was just about to get far enough for Shiro to use his Sonido again, the Substitute _whimpered_. It was a sound so incredibly soft and low, but so powerful to Shiro's ears, that he gasped in panic, both because he was going to alert Orihime, and because it was the first time he had ever heard his King make such a heart-breaking sound. The red-head stopped dead on her tracks, and turned around casually. She stared into the dark for a few seconds, and Shirosaki thanked whatever God was out there when she shrugged and continued her way.

  - Please, please hold on, King...

One more minute it took Hichigo to get to the Kurosaki Clinic, releasing a long, tired breath of relief when he found Ichigo's window open. He quietly entered the room, and gently laid his King's soul form down on the bed, where his human body rested. Once he was safely inside, Shirosaki felt a loud beat resonate inside his chest.

  - So my time's up, huh...

It was an obvious outcome. He knew he wouldn't be able to stay out when the Shinigami re-entered his real body. He could already feel himself being pulled back inside.

Shirosaki sighed. Dumbass King just had to go and do something as ridiculous as "testing his limits". If he hadn't appeared, who knows what could've happened to him. Well, now at least he had something to rub on Ichigo's face later. "I carried you back to your home, now you owe me one." Sounds good enough.

He was about to disappear when another whimper made his blood run cold. He looked over his "Master", and was surprised to find him half-awake, staring at him.

  - Sorry... 'm sorry... don't go...- his lips quivered in desperation, and his voice wavered with sadness. Weakly, he grabbed his counterpart's sleeve and tugged at him once.

Hichigo didn't know what to do.

  - W-what is- what are you-

  - Shiro... stay... please...

 _Hichigo didn't know what to do_.

Paralyzed with confusion, the white man stood unmoving, his eyes fixed on the orange-haired male. He wanted him to do what?

_There was no way he would know what do to._

After two agonizing minutes of stillness, Ichigo seemed to lose the last ounce of strenght he had and slowly let his hand fall limply to his side, not withstanding the weight of his own arm. His breathing slowed down considerably, and Shirosaki knew he had gone back to sleep, for good this time.

He felt a burning sensation invade his face, and he gulped awkwardly.

  - ...stupid King.- he whispered, before turning back to nothingness.

▪▪▪▪▪▪▪▪

By the time Shirosaki recovered consciousness, Ichigo's Inner World was in absolute darkness. Faint fake lights came from the stars and the Moon over his head. The buildings were just menacing silhouettes of black. There was no life inside.

King was sleeping like never before.

The Hollow yawned as he laid down on the cold stone ground, bubbles of simulated air floating up to the surface.

  - Good job, Hichigo Shirosaki.

Ah. There was the Old Man.

  - You're fucking welcome. I'm not doing that again.

  - I will admit, it was a risky move. But you accomplished your objective. I thank you for saving Ichigo.

He didn't exactly want to talk, but he decided to give one last reply before settling down himself.

  - You know I'll do anything for King, Old Man. It affects me too.

  - Is that truly the reason why you decided to go to such lenghts? To risk being discovered and killed?

Shirosaki closed his eyes and let sleep claim him, dismissing Zangetsu with a grunt. He wasn't answering anything else for the day. Or for a month. Maybe more.  
  
  


(He wasn't sure of the answer anyway.)


	3. Body

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Wounds are transferred. Pain is, too. And at one point or another, Hichigo can't take it anymore. But things don't always go well, especially in a shared body.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A warning that this could get kind of ugly for some people, as there are graphic mentions of violence. I told you before hand, don't blame me later. I hope you can enjoy it anyway, onwards with the story~

One pang of pain on his left cheek. Another one on his stomach. He felt his fist tremble with the force of an impact, his knuckles fighting to stay in place. Then something got to his jaw, only to feel his other hand tremble and his leg reverberate with the possibly killer kick Ichigo had just sent.

After a minute of stillness, Shirosaki released a long-held breath of exasperation. Great, the fight was over.

  - Holy fuck, my jaw...- he muttered, bringing his hand up to rub the sore spot. This fight had been particularly nasty, as he felt how Ichigo had received several hits in a row. It took longer than usual to bring his opponent down, too, so Shirosaki could only guess that this time the gang had gone with their best fighters for the sole purpose to take on Ichigo.

Zangetsu was apparently nowhere to be found, so Hichigo used the chance to hiss in pain at feeling his poor stomach, slowly bruising an ugly blue. He would never show such weakness in front of the Old Man.

He brought his hand to his back, feeling the place where a kick had landed perfectly. Unfair bastards, attacking from behind... good grief King had given them what they deserved.

His regeneration kicking in, he tried his best to ignore the pain and stood up slowly, grunting as his leg protested with the unsteady weight. He shook his head to clear the dizyness, and then Sonido'ed away towards one of his training grounds.

The outskirts of Ichigo's inner city were once a bunch of small houses and trees, there was even a long, well done park that extended for several kilometers. That'd been a nice place at first, but at a certain point, Shiro had grown bored of it. In a fit of rage (read as: tantrum), he went and destroyed most of the periphery without mercy, stomping on hard concrete and breaking it easily. Now those were his training grounds; whenever he felt like relieving some stress or passing up time, he would go to that permanently broken zone and destroy it more, until there was nothing but dust left. When he got to that point,  which was rare, he would call Zangetsu in to fix it, and he would get reprimanded for it because it represented a part of Ichigo's mind.

He couldn't care less if Ichigo forgot things because of him. Homework wasn't as important as Shirosaki's own mental health and King should be aware of that.

Gently landing on a roof, Hichigo overlooked the place and smirked. A row of neatly done houses ready to be destroyed. He unsheated his black and white Zanpakuto slowly, enjoying the sensation of power surging through him as he did so, and then swiftly unleashed a rain of Getsuga Tenshou's on the defenceless structures. He laughed as they crumbled down under the pressure of his power. Yes, this felt good, incredibly good.

What didn't feel good was his careless mistake. He was so focused on obliberating what was in front of him that he forgot what was behind him. A logical mistake, however, since he wasn't expecting to be attacked from the rear if he was the only one in the Inner world.

Not withstanding its weight with the weakened pillars, a small building crumbled sideways and straight on the white man. He noticed the shadow approaching a second too late, and Shirosaki could barely launch a last Getsuga before being crushed under what was left of the building.

His attack had reduced the strenght of the impact, yes. But it still hurt like hell.

  - Fuck!

Buried under several layers of broken walls and concrete, Shirosaki yelled in anger and frustration as he felt his leg trapped under a particularly big piece of stone. Flaring his wild Spiritual Pressure, he hoped to both force the debris to turn to dust, and send a signal for Zangetsu to go help him. The first option happened first, and he managed to force his way out while crushing everything on his path, grunting furiously at his dumbness.

Zangetsu flash stepped to his side one minute too late, his serious face contorted in worry. Shirosaki glanced at him and spit at the ground, trying to clear his mouth.

  - Hichigo. - he began, his fatherly voice making Shiro cringe in disgust. -What happened? Are you alright?

  - What the fuck do you think happened, huh?

The Old Man frowned as he identified the pain Shirosaki was in. His leg was bent in a weird angle, and even though it was quickly healing itself, that didn't mean the Hollow felt nothing. He then checked the place around them. As usual, he'd been messing with Ichigo's short term memory. What each building represented was a mystery, however, but it was still something they should be protecting instead of destroying.

  - You were messing up Ichigo's memories, I can see that clearly. But how did you hurt yourself like this? Do you require my help to heal it?

  - Stay away, you old bastard. I can take care of this shit.

  - Shirosaki, how did you hurt yourself?

  - Doesn't matter now, you idiot. I just hope Ichigo fucking got a taste of it, he deserves to feel me every once in a while after all the shit I feel _from_  him.

  - Do you mean the fight that happened earlier?- Zangetsu tilted his head in deepened worry.

  - Yeah. Let him feel my broken leg for once.

  - I am afraid that is not possible.

Shirosaki's pained but playful smirk disappeared the instant he heard those words from the Old Man.

  - Excuse me?- he growled, anger slowly bubbling up inside of him.

  - He never feels what happens to you, Shirosaki. Did you not know?

  - Why the fuck...?

  - You are blocked in his mind. As such, he will never feel you, and thus why he also passes out whenever you have gone out into the real world. That does not happen with me.

Hichigo blinked once, then twice. He inhaled a mouthful of air, then breathed out. And suddenly, he roared. His blood was boiling to excessive levels, and he banged his fists against the building he was sitting on, crushing it mercilessly.

Knowing what was coming next, Zangetsu moved out of the way just in the nick of time as Shirosaki unconsciously summoned his horned Hollow mask and shot a deadly Cero, all without thinking. He flared his Spiritual pressure in berserk rage, obliberating everything around him to ashes, and then crushing the ashes to nothingness. He never stopped screaming as he did so.

  - THAT SON OF A BITCH!- he screamed, blinded by rage. -I thought we were growing closer! I thought he didn't hate me anymore! I thought he trusted me, I thought things were fucking different! MOTHERFUCKER!

Zangetsu bowed his head in silence as he let him go crazy. He knew Shiro had to find out at some point, and he knew he would react this way, more so after the two incidents that had shaken Ichigo and Shirosaki's world and relationship over the past months.

A sudden earthquake, however, snapped him out of his patient waiting, and the Old Man narrowed his eyes in confusion.

  - SON OF A BITCH! SON OF A BITCH! I HATE YOU!

  - Shirosaki, do not be reckless! Shirosaki!!

Zangetsu's panicked pleas were unheard by the rampaging Hollow. He had never felt so enraged before. Fury overtaking every sense of his being, he unleashed his full spiritual pressure with no regards for what could happen around him, or _to_  him.

He also had no regards for Ichigo anymore. And hell, _he would know about it._

▪▪▪▪▪▪▪▪

It had been a nasty fight, that was for sure. He remembered two faces whose noses he had broken the other day; maybe that was the catalyst. This time though, he had been surrounded by at least seven people, all of them ready to send him to the hospital.

Ten minutes. That long it had taken him to defeat the group, and he couldn't get away unharmed, unfortunately. He had thrown punches so strong that his hand felt broken after the impact, and his leg still protested after so many uses. The worst parts were his back and his jaw. When that nasty attack had landed on his face, he'd fought the blackness in his vision to counter inmediately, or else he knew he'd be done for.

Now that everything was over, unconsciousness screamed at him to give up.

  - Cheadin' basdards...- he muttered, rubbing his sore mouth and noticing how strange his voice sounded. -...dhad's gonna ged purple domorrow...

He sat down on a park that was close by, just a few blocks away from his house. Going out for groceries had never been so dangerous for him.

"Maybe I could lay down here..." he wondered briefly, the patch of grass looking oddly pleasing to his now tired eyes. He knew his body could use some rest.

Slowly, and rather weakly, he lowered his back as he left his bag besides him. For a moment, he felt like dialing Chad and asking him if he could go over to his house for a while, simply to avoid meeting his sisters with his aching body. He didn't want to worry them like that.

He couldn't even reach his phone, however, when a strange sense of betrayal invaded his mind. It didn't take long for it to turn into a feeling of fury, and he grabbed his head harshly, shaking it while groaning in discomfort. Rage filled his thoughts, blinding anger blocking his mind, and he felt an unbelievable amount of hatred towards everything and everyone, out of nowhere and without reason.

His fury wasn't strong enough to block the burst of pain that followed. Numbness took over his hands and feet, rendering him defenceless, and after two agonizing minutes, Ichigo finally gave up, letting loose a chilling scream.

His crazed heart stopped beating the moment his body was forcibly torn apart from his soul, and as the Shinigami form emerged from it, a burst of Spiritual Pressure crushed the air around them. Unlike any possible sound a human could ever make, the Shinigami roared, his mind lost in confusion between two completely different personalities, two completely different lives. He clutched his head, though not feeling his hands while doing so, and growled wildly like a lost animal.

Muffled sounds came from his forgotten bag, but Ichigo paid it no mind, perhaps because he didn't even register the rustle. Opening it with big efforts, a stuffed lion managed to get out and dramatically took a deep breath. It didn't take long for Kon to start complaining.

  - You should really clean that thing more often! What are you, a pig?! It stinks in there!

With one last effort, Kon got his paws out of the bag and walked away from it unsteadily, stretching his little limbs and making snarky remarks about how terrible it was to be under Ichigo's watch.

"Naïve" seemed to be Kon's last name, as he kept rambling about his own comfort without noticing the intense, fury-filled yellow stare he was getting from the Subtitute Shinigami.

After realizing how silent Ichigo was against his demands, Kon lost his patience and turned around sharply, fully intending to make his point clear to his "owner".

  - Hey, are you listening to me? You should add a suite to that old thing for me-!

_A terribly wrong move_

  - **_SHUT THE FUCK UP!_**

With a yelp, the stuffed animal was violently lifted from the ground, the little body being almost crushed with the pressure, and almost inmediately he found himself being propelled back to the earth. Cotton began to leak from the gaps that were being formed, the lion coming undone against the fury of a beast that couldn't be called Ichigo anymore.

  - Hey! HEY! What the hell!? What are you doing to my beautiful-!?

  - **_SAID SHUT UP!_**

More pressure was applied into Ichigo's hand, the strenght of it snapping Kon's arms off mercilessly. The poor Mod Soul was still freaking out, fear becoming stronger every second.

  - Ichigo! Ichigo, you're hurting me! Ichigo!!

  - **_Shut up! You fucking talk about being trapped! You fucking complain about being ignored! What the fuck is left for me, then?! TELL ME!_**

  - What are you-?!

  - **_DON'T ANSWER!_**

  - Rukia! Rukia, help me!!

Losing his last ounce of self-control, "Ichigo" roared one more time before throwing the wrecked body against the closest wall, instantly forcing the pill out of it. Kon fell uselessly to the ground, silence falling with him. The Shinigami breathed heavily, almost hyperventilating, before snarling at the plushie and Sonidoing away.

He wasn't in the mood to deal with another slave.

▪▪▪▪▪▪▪▪

The hills around Karakura Town were once a nice place to pass up time. People would go camping for the weekend, or have lunch with friends and family. Sadly, after years of being used by the town's inhabitants, and after the budget to keep them pretty and green ran out of money, those hills became a desolated place of earth and dirt, a few surviving trees doing their best to stay standing.

Some of them didn't survive that Wednesday, though.

Piercing yellow eyes glowed in the darkness of the forest, and "Ichigo" growled in rage as he flared his Spiritual Pressure and turned another tree to dust, burning it up silently. After rampaging for a few minutes and making enough space around him, Ichigo's soul form roared one last time before collapsing, a blinding white light erupting from his chest accompained by a scream of pain.

  - Now we can fucking talk!

Shirosaki's distinct voice was the first thing that met Ichigo's ears after his mind came back in control. The Shinigami stood up abruptly, staring at his white counterpart's angered expression. This was new.

  - Shirosaki? What the hell was that about?!- Ichigo demanded inmediately.

  - "What the hell was that about"! I'm angry, you son of a bitch! I'm angry for what you've done to me! I hate you!

  - What the- what did I do?!

  - Oooh, "What did I do"!! What did you do?!

Hichigo snarled at the Substitute and unsheathed his Zanpakuto without warning. Sensing the imminent danger, Ichigo did the same.

  - You know what you did, you fucker!

  - Would you calm the fuck down?!

  - Don't tell me to calm down!!

Swords clashed in a storm of black and white, Shirosaki showing his killing intent clearly. Ichigo was still confused about the whole ordeal, and didn't want to fight his counterpart without a reason, but with his life on the line, he was forced to push back and resist against his Hollow half.

  - How the fuck dare you!?

Shirosaki sprinted and got behind Ichigo, ready to pierce him down. The Shinigami managed to block it just in time.

  - What did I do, damnit! You're not making any sense!

Ichigo turned around in the nick of time to prevent Hichigo from stabbing him from the other side. He really was going all out.

  - You don't hate the Old Man! You don't hate Tensa! Why then?!

  - Why what- WHOA!?

Three bursts of Hollow power told Ichigo of the incoming Getsuga Tenshou's, and he was forced to get out of the way instead of blocking them as they came from three different directions. His leg still received part of the damage and he grunted in pain, knowing he was now at a disadvantage.

  - Why do you hate me?!

Ichigo stopped. Shirosaki didn't.

  - You know, these past months...!- Hichigo's voice began to waver and break, the stress, sadness and betrayal taking their toll on the white-haired man. -These months, I honestly thought things were changing! I was seeing you as a worthy King, maybe not because you were strong... but because you were...! You were good with me!

He raised his oversized Zanpakuto and began to charge up a powerful attack, his eyes pained at the feeling of emptiness in his (missing) heart.

Ichigo didn't take on a defensive stance. He simply lowered his sword and stared.

  - You helped me find a name! Do you know how happy I was because of that?! No! Of course you didn't! Because you can't feel the few things I feel! I saved you when you were exhausted, even when I was, too! I saw you at your weakest point, and I accepted it, because you had accepted mine!

More energy surrounded the black Zangetsu, burning red locking itself inside and getting ready to obliberate everything on its path. Ichigo knew an attack like that would leave serious injuries even if he managed to dodge it, but...

He didn't want to dodge it. It was the only way for him to understand Shirosaki's feelings: clashing with him in battle.

  - I didn't even fucking know about all of this! How was I supposed to know?! All this time, I was blocked in your mind!!

His arm trembled with the pressure. This was it.

  - I was the part of your brain you didn't want to face! Why?! What did I do to make you hate me so much?! WHAT DID I DO TO BE LEFT OUT OF YOUR HEART?!

With a scream of rage, Hichigo swung his arm down and released the dark, overpowered version of his Getsuga Tenshou, aimed directly at his counterpart, who didn't even flinch.

Ichigo had heard enough. Shirosaki was right. And he was going to accept it.

The explosion of power turned the remaining trees behind Ichigo to ash, the ground breaking under the crazed, merciless attack. Ichigo screamed in pain as his body received the full force of the impact, forcing him to fly back and crash against a mass of rock and earth, also breaking it in the process.

Ichigo breathed out, his chest burning with pain as he did so. Blood was suddenly splattered on his face, his mouth and nose exploding in dark red and staining what was left of his clothes. His eyes were unfocused, his limbs felt numb. There was a loud ringing in his ears, probably product of his head hitting the hard stone of the hill. Trying to get some air back into his lungs, he only managed to make himself cough violently, more dense liquid leaving his mouth. His whole body ached.

One thing felt worse than everyting else, though. His heart ached with the horrible sense of guilt. He deserved this. All of it.

How could he have been so selfish?

  - Shi... gho... sha... ghi...- he tried to speak, but his voice came out as a horrible wheeze of gutural sounds mixed with blood from his throat. Damn, this was bad.

The Hollow side walked over to Ichigo, his eyes dead and his arm trembling. Keeping so much energy in place for such a long period of time had taken its toll on him too.

His mouth seemed tight and curled inwards, as if resisting the urge to keep screaming at the Shinigami. In a surge of anger, he stomped Ichigo's chest with one foot, earning more red liquid to fly out of his mouth as he coughed violently again, fighting to bring some air back into his lungs.

  - Son of a bitch, son of a bitch, son of a...- Shirosaki muttered curses under his breath, his teeth gritted in hatred.

  - Shi... ro...

Ichigo was looking desperately for the right thing to say, though he wasn't even sure his mouth would be able to make it happen.

His train of thought was stopped when he heard the whimper.

Ashamed and still furious, Shirosaki covered his face with his hands, letting go of his Zanpakuto as he did so. It clattered uselessly on the ground beside him. The white man trembled, his bottled up emotions rampaging and trying to get out once and for all.

  - Why...? Just why...?! I had so much hope, King... I honestly wanted to believe things were changing... why did I have to be the object of your hatred?!

He wailed.

  - WHY ME, KING?!

Silence.

Shirosaki fell on his knees after a minute of stillness, grasping his head and sobbing uncontrollably. His hard frown and pained eyes still reflected the same rage than before, the only difference now being the added tears. Every once in a while he coughed, his breathing betraying him against the physical pain he was _still_  receiving from Ichigo's end.

The hit hurt. He knew that much; he had felt it himself. King could've dodged. But he didn't. And that damn move is what broke him of his mask of hatred into a crying mess.

Why didn't he dodge? He perfectly could, after all the time Shirosaki took to charge up that Getsuga. Was he trying to atone? Was he so pathetic that he thought Hichigo would stand down first? Was he simply an idiot? Did he think he could take on the shockwave? Did he- did he-?

  - Shi... ro...

A weak hand gently grazed the white man's face, and he was two seconds away from snapping at it and attacking again. The warmth felt good, however, and Shirosaki couldn't find it in him to pull away.

  - I'm sorry, Shiro...- Ichigo fought unconsciousness with everything he had left. He was never good with words to begin with, so expressing his feelings was proving to be a task harder than expected.

He tried, anyway.

  - I was wrong... I'm sorry. I didn't know I... was hurting you...

Hichigo sniffled before snarling back.

  - We share the same fucking body, what did you think would happen?! Everything you did, I felt it... always! Always, Ichigo! And I thought it was the same for you! I thought...!

  - I never felt you, Shiro...

The Hollow sobbed again before continuing. A small sigh escaped his lips.

  - ...I thought we were one, King. I thought you trusted me as much as you trusted yourself. Why, then...?

  - ...because I still feared you.

Ichigo stared sadly as Shirosaki's eyes widened in realization. He was too stunned to utter a word.

  - You... me... what?

  - I fear you like I fear myself, Shiro. I _am_  afraid. I just... never thought it would do this to you...

No.

No. It couldn't be.

His King was afraid.

His King was afraid.

His King was afraid?

_Of himself?_

  - What... the fuck?

More silence met his astonishment. Shirosaki roared again as he grabbed Ichigo's black robes by what was left of his neck and shook him violently. Even more hot tears began bubbling in his yellow eyes.

  - What the fuck?! What the fuck is that supposed to mean?! ANSWER ME, KING!

Ichigo's eyelids slowly went up and down, fighting unconsciousness with the little amount of strenght he had left. He was in no shape to talk anymore.

  - **_I SAID ANSWER ME!_**

  - I'm sorry...

He finally passed out.

Shirosaki bit his lip, repressing his anger against his sorry excuse of a King as he saw (and felt) him falling victim of unconsciousness. Blood still dripped from his mouth and nose, and his chest was an ugly mass of red and pink the Hollow doubted would heal on its own.

In a last fit of rage, he violently grabbed Ichigo's hair and pulled him closer to his face, his frown deepening and his cheeks wet with the unhealthy amount of tears he was spilling. Foreheads crashed, and Hichigo gritted his teeth to a painful point before speaking.

  - I don't fucking understand you. I don't fucking know how to deal with you. Our bodies are one, our fucking minds are not, and I want you to fucking learn how to deal with your own damn emotions once and for all, because I can't deal with mine.

He sighed, a single drop of blood falling from his mouth as he did.

  - Be a King I can follow, you son of a bitch. Be a King I can respect. But you gotta learn to respect me first.

Hichigo suddenly felt several spiritual pressures approaching the place at high speeds. Great, here comes the party.

His time was running out. He had to be quick.

  - King...

He gulped as his physical form began to disappear. This time far more gently, and strangely at peace, he lowered his head and bumped it together with Ichigo's.

  - ...learn to love your fucking self first. Then we can talk.

He returned to Ichigo's soul two seconds before Captain Hitsugaya flash-stepped to Ichigo's side. His call for help was immediate, and Shiro knew his King was in good hands, as much as he hated to admit it.

As long as he wasn't in _his_  hands, anyone would do a better job, if he was being honest.

▪▪▪▪▪▪▪▪

Opening his eyes to the sun's tender evening rays and the worried faces of most of his friends, Ichigo felt like going back into unconsciousness again and ignore the fact he had to face everyone and explain what had happened to get him in such a state. His chest didn't hurt anymore, he didn't taste blood on his mouth nor felt it in his nose, his limbs seemed good to go... probably Orihime doing her outstanding healing again.

He should thank her as soon as possible. The sensation of dying wasn't exactly fun and he appreciated her efforts. But that would need to wait until he spoke to the others.

  - You're back to us, Kurosaki?

Toshiro's cold voice cut his daydreaming to an abrupt end. Ichigo coughed out by reflex, expecting blood to gush out, and breathed out in relief when that wasn't the case. He turned his head to the side and stared at the white haired Captain before speaking.

  - I think I am, Toshiro...

  - It's Captain Hitsugaya for you, and I'm glad.- the shorter man answered with his frown twitching in annoyance.

  - Mhm, yeah, sorry...

The Substitute now looked away and stared at the window, the dark orange and red skies catching his attention. He sighed heavily and let his mind wander again. He didn't feel like talking, he realized.

  - Are you alright, Ichigo?- that was Rukia's voice. The teenager simply nodded in response.

  - ...Ichigo?

That was Chad's. God, he really was making them worry. That was the last thing he wanted.

  - ...I'll explain later.- he managed to mutter a short apology, and ignored the questions thrown his way after that. He closed off to the world around him and simply stared at the sky.

For some reason, everyone suddenly began to move out and leave the room, a few reassuring hands passing over his uncovered arm. Only one apparently short person remained, but he didn't bother looking away from his window. The dark red was quickly turning a shade of purple and he was captivated by it. He didn't feel like dealing with Rukia.

  - I won't pressure you to explain, but at least I need to know who attacked you, Kurosaki.

...that wasn't Rukia's voice.

  - ...Toshiro, I don't feel like talking right now...

His voice came out weaker than intended, perhaps because he was getting accustomed back to his healthy throat instead of the destroyed wreck it had been a few hours ago.

(His soul knew he had other reasons to act in such a way)

  - I don't need you to talk, Kurosaki. It's a single thing, then I can leave you to rest. I know you want that more than anything right now.

Ichigo didn't turn from his spot. Toshiro sighed.

  - You were wounded terribly, Kurosaki... we were all worried for you. Who did that?

He didn't turn.

  - ...please, Kurosaki... just tell me, was it an enemy of yours, or something far more dangerous we should all be worrying about? You can just nod and I'll understand it's a bigger menace. Just...

The teenager widened his eyes, his frown wavering for a moment. He genuinely didn't know how to answer to that.

Was Shirosaki his enemy? Was he Soul Society's enemy? He was a part of him, yes, he had reassured Shirosaki he wasn't a monster, yes. But after this, could he be completely sure Hichigo wouldn't turn against everyone from one second to another and destroy them all? If he almost destroyed Ichigo, who was someone he knew and "kind of" respected, how sure could he be that Shirosaki didn't mean imminent danger to Soul Society?

  - ...we're here for you too. You're not alone, Ichigo.

The orangette narrowed his eyes as realization dawned on him. Silently, not letting the Ice prodigy notice, he teared up.

  - ...but he is.

  - What did you say?

Toshiro stood up from the chair besides the bed and tried to speak some more with Ichigo, apologizing for missing his whisper and asking him to repeat it. He seemed strangely desperate to know what he had said, at some point getting almost emotional and grabbing his hand with a plea.

The teenager didn't open his mouth again, not even after the Captain gave up and left him to rest. A full hour staring out and appreciating the sunset, a full hour of silence. A full hour of quiet tears as he felt genuine pain invade his heart and soul.

It was all his fault. Shirosaki was alone. Ichigo hadn't been there for him. This whole mess was because he had been a selfish master, a selfish King.

He was going to fix that. One way or another, he was going to fix it.

_Learn to love your fucking self first. Then we can talk._

Lingering words remained in his ears. He wasn't sure where or when he had heard them, but somehow, he knew they were directed at him.

  - I will.- he promised.

Sleep didn't claim him that night.


End file.
